Well, hm, my thoughts are so all over the place I don’t even know where to start. Or maybe, I have no real thoughts on all of this, maybe I don’t know w h a t exactly to think…It’s all so weird, something that most kids by now have been fully adjusted to for years, I’m actually silently freaking out about. The concept of sitting behind a desk and listening to a lecture by an actual teacher, physically in front of you and getting legit loads of homework due by the next just seems so foreign to me. Like, I understand the concepts of all of it, but it seems so unreal, like the stuff in the movies, like I have this vision of high school being like the movie High School Musical on Disney Channel haha, except I know not everybody breaks out into random song and dance routines all some how perfectly in-sync and everybody knows the words. This is probly a very naive vision but it’s all I’ve ever witness when it comes to the public high school experience lol.
Today, we went shopping for school supplies and I had no idea what I would all need. I know the basic, backpack (which I was also worried if high schoolers even use back packs these days? Or do little kids just use them? Oh, well I already bought a cute one! Lol), notebooks, pencils, pens, all that junk but it was still weird to not know exactly what I needed. Today, I was legitly (I use this word a lot so learn to love it ;) registered for classes at Lassiter High School in Georgia. W H Y is this all freaking me out so much?! I went to community college for 2 years and did fairly well, I fit in fine, made friends, made enemies, teachers loved me, I wrote 1000 word research papers in one week, I preformed plays in front of 300 people, stood in front of 500+ people and made speeches, I had boyfriends, yet, going to a public high school freaks me out….maybe it’s the social aspect that psyches me out the most. I’ve somewhat had a hard time fitting in with kids my own age, my friends had usually already graduated high school except for my church/homeschooled friends who were on the more matured side and were weird just like me lol. I think I was always expected to be more mature, I helped my mom a whole lot with my 4 much younger siblings (the oldest one was still 7 years behind me), so I think that kind of forced me to grow up faster; not saying it was anyone’s fault or even that it was a bad thing, it’s just how it worked out and it made me the person I am today. Honestly I think that going straight to community college in high school put me in that “growing up faster” environment also. So I’m nervous I won’t know how to act around all high schoolers, what kind of crowd will I fit in with? If I even fit in anywhere. I’ve always fit in everywhere but nowhere at the same time. I can be a super preppy, happy, girly girl type of person, and I can be the tom-boy, and the scene kid, the wanna-be black girl, the country girl and the good, quite Christian girl, all in my own way. But who I am I really? Is my personality a mix of all those? I am myself of course, and very unique at that but why can’t I just be one “type”? Being so diverse can be a real blessing but also confusing at the same time. I think it’s a good thing, I really do, it means I can fit in any situation but sometimes I do just wish I would fit in with one stereotype. Maybe I just need to find a balance, a center behind all those versions of Alex TheLion Pless. Well I think going to a new school and not knowing anyone and not already having a stereotype expected of me will help me find that. I can be whomever I want, no one expects anything out of me yet, I am who I make myself. Part of me is too afraid to unleash itself. Will people think I’m weird? And then I wind up not fitting in anywhere? Does it even matter though? People that judge me like that probly aren’t worth my time anyways. I think with more prayers God will help me on my way. Hopefully he’ll show me who my new future best friends are soon. Haha. Well, that’s enough to think about for one night lol.
Peace outttt, Alex<3
